thoughts to words…

these are a few lines that a came across and boy wont it be fun trying them out….

IN A PLANE

Give someone a coin, saying “Heads, I detonate the bomb. Tails, I don’t”

Explain how, one time, the plane was crashing and the oxygen masks didn’t come out, ’cause they aren’t really reliable, and that if the plane was to crash, everyone would die

Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar

Lean back in your seat, fold your arms behind your head and exclaim, “Thank God for auto-pilot, eh?”

Pick your nose and pat the person next to you.

Snap Polaroids of him or her. Pull out an empty photo album and arrange the pictures inside it. Tuck the album under your jacket and say, “You know, in some cultures they believe that when you take a person’s photograph…you own their soul…,” while smiling maniacally.

GENERALLY

Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. “I’m Bob, nice to meet you…” “PROVE IT!”)

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Look at your hand in amazement and say, “Whoa, I never knew I had this!”

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up

Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, “Do you know the muffin man?”

things to say:

Would you look at the size of the hair I just yanked out of my nose!

We’re planning on leaving our bodies and meeting with the mother ship next Tuesday — wanna come?

The last time my head rang like this I woke up with a dead man next to me!

to a pizza guy:

Answer their questions with questions.

Ask for extra homo-sapien

Ask if they’re familiar with the term “spanking a pizza.” Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.

Ask the man/woman if they can sculpt the pizza into your favorite celebrity.

Dance all around the word “pizza.” Avoid saying it at all costs. If (s)he says it, say, “Please don’t mention that word.”

Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say, “Where was I? Who are you?”

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

Laugh every minute or two, mention the cat in the microwave!

Start the conversation by reciting today’s date and saying, “This may be my last entry.”

at a date:

At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it.

Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.

Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don’t know what they are talking about.

Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you.

Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates.

Order for your date. Order something nasty.

Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs.

Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Insist that they just need airing out.

Feed imaginary friends, or toy dolls you’ve brought along.